i don't doubt this one bit,

but i'm begging you God, please make it known;

When Your Shoulders Can No Longer Take The Weight Of The World

lonely.
dejected.
angry.
sad.
confused.
discouraged.
lost.
kinda just ready to give up.

lather, rinse, repeat;

Out Of Sight, But Never Out Of Mind

my brother left for japan today and won't be back for a month
it's kinda sad for me because he just got home from school and i feel like i've had no real time with him to catch up and just hang out.. just be stupid like we always are together
tonight, my one prayer request is that he gets there safely
it's hour 9 of his 13 hour flight now.. hard times for real
but i just want him and his team to get there safe 
and i also pray that the mission work they do through music ministry this summer will reach the people of japan in a way that they most desperately need
finally, i pray that he'll come home to us soon, and that me and my siblings can start to rebuild our friendships with each other to what they used to be
saying bye to my family over and over now that we're all growing up is getting harder and harder each time
i guess i'm just realizing how fast life is progressing
it used to be this leisurely stroll in the park
now it's this friggin bullet train that does seem to stop for anything
and i don't really know how to adapt to all these changes that seem to be coming faster and faster
all i know is that God has a plan for us
and i'll be counting down the days till june 8 when i can finally be with my whole family again
there's nothing i hate more than being away from the people i love the most
especially my siblings, my very best friends; 

but i didn't even realize that i actually might care a little bit
that awkward moment when jokes become for real;

Bleh.

FRUSTRATION!

pretty much sums up my life right now;

Fixer.

why does it feel like i'm always the one listening and no one is every listening to me.
i realize that there are different kinds of people in the world, and i am more than aware that i fall into the "fixer" category. 
i listen, they talk. i fix things, they feel better, i feel good for helping, everyone is happy.
but i'm not!
i know i have people that are truly there to support me and that i can always go to if i ever need a shoulder to cry on, our just a patient ear.
but i still can't help but feel like my problems aren't as important and their's
and that if i try to unload, it'll just pile on top of everyone else's already loaded shoulders.
i try sometimes, only to realize that i can't do it, because the overwhelming urge i have to help others, before myself, takes over.
and i'm left with my problems, piled underneath burdens that i will willingly carry for the people that i care about, no matter how it makes me feel.