Haters Back Off

I swear it's like it's never enough or it's not right unless she says so.
Just let me speak sometimes. You don't always have to be right.

nothing but love for my crew;

Ain't nothin more important, and ain't nobody fresher.

Sometimes I feel like people get annoyed with me.  And more often than not, I'm wrong, and I'm just over thinking things and being stupid because I spent so much of my life feeling like people really didn't enjoy my company.  But it's another story entirely when I start to get annoyed with myself because of how annoying I am... Maybe no one else feels it, but when you start to annoy yourself, that's kind of a problem.

I have this crew, this group of people that I love so much that I want nothing more than to spend time with. And it hurts so much because this group of people that I love, and that I know loves me back, have just been taken away.  And because we all took off in different directions, I feel like I have to try really really hard to make sure we all stay in touch. Some of us are close, and some are on the other side of the world. And I'm terrified that this separation is going to rob me of the first group of friends that have ever really been like my own little family.  I'm scared we'll grow apart. I'm scared we'll be replaced. I'm scared memories will become faint.  But mostly, I'm scared because I know all of those things will happen.  I don't like change, and I don't want to be forgotten.  And I know I'm being clingy. But I don't care because I need to be.  I need to make sure they remember everyday that we have this crew and that they love us and that they can't replace it.  

It's hard for me to understand why God put this crew in my life, when we had such little time to be together. I don't understand why He waited to give me these people that make me feel so comfortable, appreciated, and just loved.  All I know, is that there's no freaking way that God gave me these people for a 2 month friendship.  I truly want to believe we're in it for the long run.  I just hope that God has a plan for me that involves this crew, and that He'll find some way to let us be a part of each other's lives.
I don't want us to forget.

Ain't nothin more important, and ain't nobody fresher. 

It feels like a breakup all over again.

AAHHHHHHHHHH

df;gkjhad;fgha;dfjg;ajdfhg;jhfg;ajf

..... that's all.

I'm Next.

Two of the most deserving friends of mine are on the right track. Heading towards probably two other of the most amazing and deserving friends of mine. I couldn't be happier for all four of them.They're amazing and I love them and they deserve to be happy and together.So here's the ish...

There's not one bone in my body that believes that I'm supposed to be alone. I know that God has someone picked out for me and that when it is His will, he will be revealed to me. But it's so incredibly hard to wait when waiting seems to be all that I know.  It's what I've gotten good at.  I wait it out.  I watch my friends and I smile because seeing them happy makes me so happy.  I wait and I smile.  I like people that I know I can't have but I continue caring for them because I know they need me.  I wait, and I smile, and I care. And I'm nothing but pleased with who I am because I know I'm exactly who I was created to be.  I supposed I just need some help in the patience department. 

I've never had an issue with God's plan.  Sure, it doesn't always coincide with mine, but that's okay because I know His is greater.  But what I do have an issue with, what I struggle with endlessly, is God's timing.  I once heard someone say that trusting in God's plan means trusting in His timing.  Well that's the problem.  I know God's plan is what's right and what's perfect and what's best, but His timing? Not so much.. I mean, that's false, because I know His timing is probably the most perfect part of His plan.  But it's also the part I have the biggest issue with.  Funny how that happens right? 

I guess I'm just trying to accept the fact that God is testing me, and waiting for me to be ready.  He's forcing me to put my pride and my agenda aside. I'm trying.  I really am.  It's just hard to keep hearing "you're next", when all I'm seeing, and feeling, is that 'next' isn't for a very long time. 

2:02 am

It's 2 in morning
You can't sleep
And I just want to come be there for you
But I can't